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[glowsferatu]

If Youve Come This Far I Doubt You Cant Guess What To Do From Here
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[lastnerv]

hey

im back as of a few minutes ago

ideally youre still here and im not just texting this to nobody?

hope springs eternal

[glowsferatu]

[ Ah, good, he's back. Three months is much better than three years, too. Short enough that she feels free to tease him about it. ]

new phone who dis

[lastnerv]

[Guess who has somehow never encountered that meme spoilers it's the least cool kid ever]

oh hi sorry wrong person ill just be going now forget all this bye

[glowsferatu]

[ oh no she has to keep this up somehow ]

you texted me tho you cant just walk out of that
who dis

[glowsferatu]

[ Shit. ]

[lastnerv]

[He's frowning at the screen so hard right now.]

wow

wow

couldnt even keep it up for two texts huh

pretty sure im going to disown you now

[glowsferatu]

well lets be honest with ourselves would you really have wanted me to
youve still got the wrong number and some demanding stranger is hassling you now
what a delightful welcome

at least i thought so

[lastnerv]

geez your sense of humor has really gotten twisted the last few months huh

or did you get replaced with an evil clone while i was gone

am i talking to anti-kanaya right now

[glowsferatu]

oh definitely im some sort of rude sociopath who doesnt give a damn about anyone else now
thats definitely a thing that happened

anyway i dont know i had to improvise
i thought youd just see the response and think "haha kanaya is making such a funny joke"
and i did get a new phone

[lastnerv]

your joke was too possible! its totally believable youd be gone and someone else would get your phone

not that i was worried or anything

[yes he was]

congratulations on your purchase

i take it that means things have been going well?

[glowsferatu]

shinji
how believable do you really find it that i would ever be gone from this place
i mean sure it isnt impossible or anything
but plausible is another matter entirely

and yes things have been going well
when can i expect you back

[lastnerv]

hey you never know stranger things have happened and probably will for the rest of the existence of the multiverse

oh and you can expect me back right now no way am i going along with another of these dumb assigned jobs

kanaya i dont even know anything about incense

[glowsferatu]

incense
what did they give you this time

[lastnerv]

a 'new age' shop

its like someone is dedicated to making me interact with the worst adults this planet has to offer

[glowsferatu]

then youll just have to come on back to the best i suppose
your desk is open and waiting for you

[lastnerv]

thank you for rescuing me









kaworus gone isnt he

[glowsferatu]

just behind you yes
maybe within a day or two
his rooms already been filled so that doesnt bode well for his return

[lastnerv]

maybe eventually

[wait shit that sounds like he's looking forward to it more than he wanted to]

i mean not that i want to try to explain how personal space works all over again to another version of him or anything

[glowsferatu]

[ You fucking liar. ]

Sure shinji if you say so
i believe you utterly

[lastnerv]

okay well clearly you dont

okay fine hes annoying and weird and every moment of being with him is awkward on several different levels but i still want him around

is that better does that pass the kanaya maryam lie detector test

[glowsferatu]

im not going to pretend he wasnt annoying and weird
but i cant exactly blame you for still liking him
it isnt an everyday phenomenon to know someone whose every cell seems determined to love you in particular
that can be an attractive circumstance

[lastnerv]

it wasnt like that i didnt like him just for

i mean

it sort of was but

i cant really



its hard to put words to this after youve killed someone before okay lets leave it at that and talk about literally anything else

[glowsferatu]

the things weve known and the people we are sometimes just happen to be incredibly fucked up
nothing we can do to help it

so
you missed ashiahs birthday
i really need a better word for the occasion that doesnt imply birth

[lastnerv]

damn i officially owe her a present then

also i guess you could just call it her wriggling day? especially since shes extra wriggly

not that im trying to tell you how to use your culture or anything in fact forget i said anything

[glowsferatu]

im already using wriggling day to measure alternian time
as an example my ninth wriggling day was last november but my twentieth "birth"day is this coming may
i mostly use "birthday" for convenience because terrans understand what im talking about without having to additionally explain anything
im just wondering if i can do that with more accurate terminology

is hatchday too awkward