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[glowsferatu]

If it should happen that you've been presented with this recording, then the likelihood that my availability would allow me to attend to your message is quite thoroughly absent. Luckily, you are fully capable of leaving your own recording in reply to this one, and should I not find myself so busy in the future I may have opportunity to hear it and adopt the appropriate reaction. Of course, there's only one method you can employ to discover if this duty will be ultimately fulfilled, so there's little need to waste time avoiding it. Mind the beep.

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[crab]

[ the wait for kanaya is tense. there aren't that many people around, but the intensity of his empathy while focused on even one person as it stands is overwhelming. it's frightening not to be able to tell what's really karkat anymore, beyond logical observations of disparity between how he feels and the situation at hand -- which is obviously not foolproof. thankfully, however, since he and ruka had shaken off the majority of the pandemonium among the import crowd, he hasn't picked up anything overly alarming. nothing like what he'd gotten from eridan, or ruka.

he's a mess, the kind that only comes from a recent fight. his sweater is stiff with blood. most of it his own, some of it not. his sickle is held loosely at his side, also bloody. in places the sweater is still a little damp, over not one, not two, but three stab wounds. two to the abdomen, one to the shoulder.

he dedicates the half an hour spent waiting to attempting to get a firm grip on himself, on karkat vantas, again.

that is, until the instant the portal opens, and kanaya maryam limps through, incredibly suspect in her over the top disguise, bringing with her a cloud of perfume and a much heavier, much thicker cloud of despair. karkat has no defense -- and his reaction is immediate. his tense posture gives way, his shoulders slump, and suddenly he isn't sure he wants kanaya to send him away. suddenly he isn't so concerned with the possibility that he could have died twice tonight -- only vaguely disappointed that it hadn't worked, because of course it's inevitable that he's going to, hopefully sooner rather than later. he's a burden on kanaya, he thinks miserably. she shouldn't have to save his ass. he can't do this. he can't let himself turn into dead weight. ]

No. [ quietly. he takes a step back, away from her. he swallows, and shakes his head. ] No, you know what, you don't have to do anything, I changed my mind, it's fine. I'm sorry I brought this shit down on you, I'm not your problem.

[glowsferatu]

W-what? [ this isn't the way it's supposed to work. she's the one who's supposed to take the burdens, he is absolutely her problem. maybe her last problem, and she wouldn't dare leave that unfinished.

the sudden turn has her worried, she can't figure out what gave him such a different disposition, but she certainly doesn't have the patience to deal with it. this is her one last thing she wants to see done, to make sure he's taken care of in case she isn't there to see it through later. he is everything that matters to her right now, so to have him act like he shouldn't is something she can't tolerate. ]

Don't be stupid. Take the bag.

...Please.

[crab]

[ and obediently, he takes the bag -- merely because it suddenly feels of the utmost importance that he do so. he stares down at it, testing its weight in his hands, confusion lining his expression.

it's his empathy again, it has to be, but how much of it really is? it isn't like it's that much of a leap from his own outlook, for him to assume he's a burden. for him to believe he's useless. ]

I shouldn't be making you rescue my worthless ass.

[glowsferatu]

[ worthless? he's one to talk, standing there looking so vital, so alive. she could almost smell the blood pumping in his veins, and feels a pressure behind her eyes and along the edges of the absence in her chest where her heart should be. don't touch him, she thinks to herself. don't go anywhere near him. if she gives into the hunger now, she may not be able to stop herself, the hunger was bottomless and wouldn't be sated, it would just leak out without doing her any good.

he wasn't the worthless one here. he wasn't the monster, the rotting waste of flesh. it would be easier for everyone if she'd just die already. it would be easier for her. ]

You're not making me do anything I wouldn't be willing to do anyway. I just want you to be safe.

[crab]

[ he sways in place, lets the bag slip through his fingers, allows it to crash to the ground. he's never felt this before, this lack of energy, this giving up. ]

It doesn't matter. [ dazed. ] My safety doesn't matter.

[ he should have let ruka kill him. ]

It'd be better if I just died. [ the words aren't his, aren't spoken with his type of inflection, he doesn't form the words as though karkat vantas is forming them. ]

[glowsferatu]

[ there's a weak to suck in a breath, wheezing, labored, lacking much of the necessary anatomy. she wants to cry, but her eyes dried out days ago. ]

D-don't say that. You can't say that!

[ overwhelming dread gives way to desperation and she finally comes toward him, bringing the smell with her. she has one job, to save him from his misery before she can surrender to her own. just one thing that can make her existence meaningful. he can't just give in the same way, not when he means so much. it isn't fair.

her left hand, the only one worth a damn anymore, grips his shoulder with bony fingers. she wants to shout, to insist, to compel, but all her voice can manage is still just a rasp. ]

You have to stay alive, you're all that's left! The most important thing, and I can't... [ her voice cracks with a dry sob. ] ...don't let me fail you, Karkat.