glowsferatu | IC CONTACT

its a very long story that requires a great deal of contextualization
i dont know that i have the energy to type it all out
but it happened in january

YEAH OKAY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TYPE IT OUT.
JANUARY UNTIL AUGUST IS A LONG TIME, THOUGH, ISN'T IT?
I DON'T KNOW. I'M SURPRISED BY IT.
IS THIS SOMETHING YOU'RE OKAY WITH?

i initiated it
that doesnt mean im okay with it or that it doesnt hurt still
i love her
i dont think i know how not to love her
and much as i would wish otherwise i think she still loves me
but we cant be together
she deserves someone far better than i am

WOW.
I REVOKE MY RESPECTFUL DISTANCE, YOU LOST THE PRIVILEGE OF ME RESPECTING YOUR BOUNDARIES AS SOON AS YOU STARTED SPOUTING HORSESHIT.
ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?
REMIND ME EXACTLY WHICH TRASHY RAINBOWDRINKER NOVEL THAT LITTLE SPEECH WAS COPIED WORD FOR WORD FROM? I CAN'T QUITE PLACE IT BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE ALL OF THEM.

karkat
when you dont have even the slightest beginning of an inkling as to what youre talking about
you should probably refrain from responding to things like an idiot
this has nothing to do with being a rainbow drinker
and even in the unlikely event that the novels in question were trashy treating actual events that occurred in real life the way you might regard something fictional only communicates to the other party that youve inserted your head so deeply into your own waste canal that the process of suffocation has begun to dull your thinking

Edited (waste canal is such a better phrase) 2015-08-23 18:20 (UTC)

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.
I KNOW THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU BEING A RAINBOWDRINKER, I MEANT THAT THE SPEECH YOU GAVE IS EXACTLY THE TYPE OF OVERWROUGHT SPEECH SOMEONE IN SUCH A NOVEL MIGHT GIVE WHILE NOBLY RUNNING AWAY FROM THEIR LOVE INTEREST FOR HER OWN PROTECTION. HENCE THE REASON THAT THEY ARE TRASHY IN THE FIRST PLACE, AND HENCE MY DISBELIEF THAT SOMEONE ACTUALLY SAID THOSE WORDS IN A REAL LIFE CONVERSATION.

BUT YOU'RE RIGHT, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED AND I KNOW I'M BEING DISRESPECTFUL TO WHATEVER YOU WENT THROUGH AND IT'S FAIR IF YOU'RE ANGRY AT ME FOR IT.
IT'S ONLY THAT THE IDEA THAT SHE "DESERVES SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU" SEEMS REALLY UNLIKELY TO ME.
THAT'S ALL.

thats because you have no idea how wretched ive become
you may have seen little glimpses in our interactions so far but they are barely hints at the larger picture
ive lost all right to her love
and she wont even grant me her ire

I HAVEN'T GLIMPSED ANY WRETCHEDNESS.
IF ANYTHING HAS CHANGED IT'S THAT YOU'RE LESS TOLERANT OF MY SHIT.
BUT YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN ABSURDLY TOLERANT OF MY SHIT SO FRANKLY THIS DEVELOPMENT ONLY EVENS IT OUT TO REASONABLE LEVELS OF TOLERANCE OF MY SHIT BY ANY OBJECTIVE STANDARDS.
AND YOU SEEM MORE ANGRY TOO BUT SELFISHLY I HOPE BEING PISSED OFF AT A LOT OF THINGS THAT SUCK DOESN'T DISQUALIFY A PERSON FROM ALL WORTHINESS OF LOVE OR RELATIONSHIPS IN GENERAL.

BUT YOU KNOW I'LL GRANT YOU THAT, MAYBE I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU AND IT'S ACTUALLY AS BAD AS YOU'RE SAYING.
THAT'S STILL NOT HOW IT WORKS. MOST OF US HAVE OUR OWN SICKENING FLAWS AND ARE FUCKED UP ON SOME LEVEL.
BEING LOVED BY SOMEONE DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH BEING NOT FUCKED UP. IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU EARN OR LOSE THE RIGHT TO. IN FACT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO DO THAT. YOU COULDN'T GO AROUND LIKE, HEY ROSE, I'M A GOOD PERSON, SO I'VE EARNED THE RIGHT TO YOUR LOVE AND YOU HAVE TO LOVE ME NOW. SO HOW THE FUCK IS THE REVERSE SUPPOSED TO BE TRUE?
IT ALL ONLY EVER COMES DOWN TO HOW THE OTHER PERSON FEELS ABOUT YOU.

SHIT. I'M NOT ACTUALLY TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU THAT YOU FUCKED UP OR YOU NEED TO GET BACK TOGETHER.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I STARTED THIS TO DO, ANYWAY.
BUT I CAN'T READ YOU SAYING ALL OF THESE THINGS AND LET IT GO.
IT JUST SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO PUNISH YOURSELF WITH ALL OF THIS.

[ Well, that's probably because it's exactly what she's doing. ]

that dichotomy is weak
love cannot be owed but that doesnt mean it cant become undeserved
when youve hurt them or your company can only reflect negatively on them
people like that just shouldnt be involved with anyone whatsoever

I'M TELLING YOU THAT THAT'S GARBAGE.
ESPECIALLY YOU SAYING IT. HOLY SHIT. I KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BUT THIS IDEA THAT YOU'RE SOME KIND OF TOXIC NIGHTMARE WHO SHOULDN'T BE INVOLVED WITH ANYONE WHATSOEVER IS SO LUDICROUS.
CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR AND JUST ACKNOWLEDGE THAT. JUST ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WHATEVER YOU DID, EVEN IF IT SOMEHOW DISQUALIFIES YOU FROM HAVING HER AS A MATESPRIT, PROBABLY DOESN'T MAKE YOU UNWORTHY OF A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE ELSE FOREVER NO MATTER WHAT?

IF YOU CAN'T ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU'RE MAYBE NOT TALKING COMPLETELY RATIONALLY RIGHT NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
BESIDES, ROSE ALWAYS STRUCK ME AS, LIKE. ABSOLUTELY THE HUMAN WHO WOULD HAVE BEST FIT IN ON OUR PLANET.
THIS ENTIRE NARRATIVE SEEMS SO OUT OF LINE WITH THE ACTUAL REALITY WHERE SHE'S PRETTY FUCKING TOUGH AND CAN PROBABLY DECIDE HERSELF IF SOMEONE IS TOO MUCH OF A PROBLEM TO BE AROUND.

ill acknowledge that it contradicts what you know
but that is more a commentary on what information youre in possession of than any reflection of my rationality or actual reality

you certainly dont know her as well as i do
because tough and aloof as she may appear she is still very much human
how well she would fit into alternia is an idea i find incredibly dubious
especially when you consider that a human among ours would be especially targeted
you of all people shouldnt need to be reminded of that

and tough as rose may appear to be
she still breaks
ive felt that for myself
within my own hands

HAHA, YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE REMINDED OF THAT.
HOW THE NOOKCHAFING FUCK COULD I POSSIBLY HAVE FORGOTTEN.
THANKS FOR TAKING MY STATEMENTS AS LITERALLY AS FUCKING POSSIBLE SO YOU COULD WEDGE THAT ONE IN THERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH? IT'S BACKFIRING, BECAUSE CHECK THIS.
ROSE WOULD DEAL WITH HAVING TO "FIT IN" SO MUCH BETTER THAN I EVER HAVE OR COULD.
SHE'S PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY ONE OF US WHO CAN HANDLE VRISKA,
AND BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM THEY'VE USURPED ANY PREVIOUS DELUSIONAL SELF-PROCLAIMED STATUS AS A CAPABLE LEADER I HAVE EVER CLAIMED TO HAVE.
SO FUCK IT. WE CAN SWITCH SINCE WE'RE BOTH PRACTICALLY INTERCHANGEABLE AS SOCIAL REJECTS. FUCK IT. THERE YOU GO.

WHY AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS.
YOU KEEP CLAIMING I CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND WHATEVER AWFUL SHIT THAT'S GONE DOWN THAT YOU'VE PERPETUATED AND THAT HAS SOLIDIFIED YOUR PLACE IN THE HALLOWED HALLS OF HORRIBLE AND THE WORST FOREVER.
LET ME AT LEAST POSIT THE THEORY THAT THERE ARE MORE EMBARRASSING TO ENTER HALLOWED HALLS OF PERPETUATING SOME AWFUL SHIT AND THEN GETTING SO UP YOUR OWN ASS ABOUT IT THAT YOU GO AROUND MAKING PRECISELY THAT KIND OF MELODRAMATIC, SELF-FLAGELLATING STATEMENT ALL THE TIME.
I KNOW THEM WELL AND YOU ARE DEEP DOWN IN THERE.

NO ONE DOESN'T 'STILL BREAK.' ESPECIALLY NOT US, WE'RE ALL FUCKED UP AND IT'S TIME WE ALL ADMITTED IT.
THIS ISN'T EVEN ABOUT THAT, IT'S ABOUT YOU BEING RIDICULOUS.

if we could for once not make this a discussion of your universe-encompassing and ever unchanging inferiority complex i would really appreciate it
that would be just dandy
there is no interchangeability
her likelihood of being culled on sight if she were to visit alternia is probably higher than yours by several exponents

and when i speak of her breaking it wasnt a general statement or a poetic metaphor
i meant it physically and literally
the problem karkat is that she does more than break
that implies it simply happens without any fault to assign
she was broken
and the instrument to conduct that breaking was my two hands
that isnt something that just disappears or is forgiven or has no bearing on what the breaker should be allowed afterwards
so call it melodramatic or self-flagellating or whatever other nonsense you want to attribute to the imagined non-issue you seem to have convinced yourself ive become enamored with
this isnt nothing
so please stop pretending you have any grasp of the situation

ARE YOU JOKING.
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT YOU. WE WERE EXCLUSIVELY TALKING ABOUT YOU.
YOU WERE THE ONE TO START TALKING ABOUT ALL OF THAT. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY WHEN YOU GO AND THROW THAT IN MY FACE JUST TO THROW ME OFF?
I'M ONLY TRYING TO TALK TO YOU. DON'T THROW THAT IN MY FACE SO YOU CAN WHIRL YOUR GLANCE NUGGETS AT ME FOR MY 'EVER UNCHANGING INFERIORITY COMPLEX.'

AND FUCK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THAT, BY THE WAY.
I HAVE CHANGED. I'VE CHANGED A LOT.
AT LEAST I'M AWARE OF IT AND ITS UNIVERSE-ENGULFING TENDENCIES.
AT LEAST I NO LONGER INTENTIONALLY SABOTAGE MY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS BASED ON IT.
I NEVER SAID IT WAS A NON-ISSUE OR THAT I KNEW NOTHING BAD REALLY HAPPENED.
I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
I ONLY EVER SAID THAT I THINK YOU'RE WRONG TO TAKE WHATEVER HAPPENED AND ACT LIKE YOU DESERVE TO BE MISERABLE OVER IT.

yes i can see how you no longer allow it to sabotage your personal relationships
here ive just told you that i had violently assaulted the person ive most loved in whatever mockery of existence ive endured
and youre still talking about how insulted you are by an underline youve misinterpreted as a push

think as you like it wont make your conclusion is any less off-base
ive earned every ounce of my misery

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