glowsferatu | IC CONTACT

[ she makes an uneasy hum at the word "courageous", it feels pandering, when the doctor knows courage has nothing to do with it. ]

It has been progressing. [ though even vague details aren't something to talk about over the phone. ] If you'd like to meet, I can much more easily accommodate the distance now.

I wouldn't mind a meeting, in due time. [He is disinclined to be shrugged off so early in the conversation -- or, at least, that's what he suspects Kanaya's tactic might be. He noticed that uneasy hum.]

How are you feeling, right now?

I feel...as if my head is brimming with Space. Not to say that it's empty. [ she pauses a moment, considering an appropriate metaphor. ] But imagine you had been half-deaf for months, and when your hearing finally returned to normal, everything was suddenly too loud.

I've lived with my senses dulled for so long, I'd nearly forgotten what they're meant to be like.

Edited 2015-06-09 11:28 (UTC)

It's a pity this wasn't transitioned better. [Not directly within his control, so he felt obligated and at liberty to criticize it.] I know you'll adapt, but I'm sorry that you must suffer through this.

Will the difficulty in transitioning back to your normal capacity... Hinder your extracurricular activities?

Small hardships are no excuse for idleness. Certainly not when I've had legal restrictions on my conduct lifted.

If anything, I should only be more effective. One doesn't learn to swim again by staring from the shore.

And you have bold ideas about that. Effectiveness. You, of all people, understand your own capabilities.

Isn't that so?

I do. Enough to understand that there are times they would be best limited. That's why I asked to keep my nullifier. It may not be needed during those nocturnal endeavors, or when I travel, but otherwise...

It's safest that way.

If only others had manifested your acute sense of responsibility. [While he spoke this with a scoff, there was a tough of regret inherent in his tone. Had Will, or even Chilton himself, mimicked Kanaya's degree of precaution with -- say -- Hannibal Lecter...

Well. No use fantasizing, not about that mythical, happier possibility.]

Do you also have a plan in case this endeavor has unpalatable consequences? If you needed, perhaps, a testimonial reference... Some sort of support. I would, of course, volunteer.

Well, I should imagine any legal difficulties will be addressed by my newly reinstated registration status. Unless association with with unsettled peers might reflect poorly on me.

Maurtia Falls is...a complicated environment, I'm sure you understand. If they decide to see me go down, I'm sure they'll find a way to at least attempt it. Rest assured that if such a thing would occur, you would likely be my first contact.

[ because as much as she jokes about lawyers, she still doesn't actually have one. besides, chilton offered to connect her last time, she can probably depend on him for that.

this time she'd even accept it. ]

[He withheld his tongue about association with those Unsettled peers -- such was precisely his concern. Kanaya had been such a success, her return to society proper a testimony to what successful rehabilitation could accomplish; more was riding on her than simply Chilton's professional credentials. She was one of the few imPorts who, as far as the psychiatrist could see, was on the right track.

But still. It wouldn't do to get preachy, given her likely reaction.]

I should hope so. I have resources, funds -- connections, if necessary. I am highly invested in your favorable outcome, Kanaya. And I want you to know that my door is always opened to you.

[ not that she'd really disagree with him. from the very beginning, kanaya has never seen the point of unsettling, especially in that unsettled imports are just as beholden to government regulations as registered imports, if not more so. with the most recent announcement, that her colleagues would cling to it becomes less boneheaded and more outright dangerous.

they're out to save a city, not to create martyrs. ]

I appreciate that, Doctor. Your help has been invaluable these last few months, and I did want to take the opportunity to mention it. It is my hope that, even as the necessary requirements of our arrangement have now changed, we will still be able to work together to make the most of what remains.

I would very much like to continue working with you, Kanaya. It is rare to see one so dedicated. It would be pleasant to maintain a connection. [And resilient. Despite her youth, Kanaya continues to overcome obstacles that would have felled those perhaps less determined, in her position. That's what made her a success story, he had come to accept, instead of a pet project.

Well, Chilton wanted to keep a thumb on that pulse, regardless.]

Even socially.

[ having a success story can work to his advantage just as well. it may be a bit boring, professionally, but the credibility it lends him could always lead to more promising patients. ]

Well, if there's one thing I can be said not to lack, it's dedication. Should you like to like to extend our association beyond the confines of your office, I would be amenable.

It never hurts to have friends who know you.

I would appreciate that you do so. Feel free, in fact, to call me at any hour -- my sessions aside, I have a relatively flexible schedule. [A beat, as he tries to court the most appropriate language. It's not always an easy context jump for Chilton, when it's from patient to friend.]

I'm always up for an evening at the symphony, or -- well, whatever in that vein.

Well, I've never actually seen a symphony, or really any sort of musical performance. Not in person, certainly. So, I suppose that's an option to sink my teeth into.

[ you said "vein" to a vampire, frederick. you asked for this. ]

[He chuckles at her use of phrase -- sink her teeth into, indeed.]

If a particular performance catches your eye, Kanaya, I would be rather honored to accompany you. While Raina -- my girlfriend -- values highbrow exposure, she prefers to cultivate in the laboratory.

And it isn't particularly comforting, to always venture on one's lonesome.

Well, I don't believe my musical taste could be considered "highbrow" exactly, so it may be best if you selected the event. [ On the other hand, Morrissey is touring the US this summer. That's certainly something Frederick would love to be dragged to. ]

I'm familiar with Raina, if only to a limited degree. The two of you are dating?

[Oh goodness, maybe she ought to broaden his tastes in such a way! Who better to engage outside his comfort zone, after all?]

We have been dating, yes, for quite some time. [A beat. While Chilton adores talking about himself, that gleeful sensation is wholly dependent upon context. But Kanaya had graduated from his parole guardianship -- surely this wasn't the exchange of power he typically feared from former (or even current) patients? Information would always wear some crown of influence, at least to his mind.]

We had quite the connection -- from the time of her first Network post, in fact. Funny how that works out, I rather think this method of communication was somewhat designed to pair us off.

I certainly wouldn't knock the method, myself. Even before arriving here, I used a similar method to communicate to the world around me. [ It was her only way most of the time, rarely hosting guests at home and even more rarely leaving. She'd have been much more isolated, without a computer. ] Many of the most important connections I've ever made began through electronic means.

Though this is perhaps more enhanced than that, not being strictly limited to text.

That's rather fortunate, then. For you. Already an aficionado to that highly communicative medium -- no one could claim that you're short on preparedness.

[A frequent compliment from Chilton, at least when directed to Kanaya, but one he savored nonetheless. While the impulsive could be thrilling, Chilton considered those with (perhaps fortunate) foresight and ability the Darwinian winners.]

Speaking of dating... [Arguably, a clumsy lead-in.] Have you engaged any potential... Flames. Since -- well, since her?

[He'd play on moth to a flame, but outright refrain from speaking Rose's name. Quite the tiptoe game.]

[ First he jokes about moths, next he'll ask her to tell him about her relationship with her mother. This is the way of psychoanalysis.

But something drops in her tone, from something that sounds like it could be smiling to almost alerted, and a little more on guard. It is certainly a sensitive topic. ]

Nothing I've engaged. [ Which sounds too much like there's something she hasn't engaged. She remembers uncomfortably that little imitation of Ramir she'd done for him. ]

I don't... I'm not sure that it's...wise. To inflict myself on anyone.

While I certainly understand that perspective -- given all that you've been through, Kanaya, it isn't an invalid way to consider how you engage with the world -- I do think it's something of a disservice.

[A beat follows. Chilton wasn't precisely a man of sentiment, and nor did he expect great things of any general sentient populace; but he did like individuals. A few individuals. He liked Kanaya, and he considered her capabilities along with her potential.]

You are a positive influence in the lives of others. Maybe -- maybe not all people, but that would be a ridiculous ambition regardless. I'll acknowledge the risk inherent, yes, but inflicting yourself might very well do more good than harm.

Such is my professional, and personal, opinion.

That's kind of you to say, but I'm not sure it's so simple as that. I'm still not sure that my positive influence quite outweighs the negative. Certainly not in anyone with whom I might like to pursue a relationship with. [ She pauses, not sure if she wants to qualify that, but still knowing that she should. ] A positive relationship, at least.

To connect with someone that way, it demands one to...open herself, to expose the other party to so much of herself. There is a remote possibility it would do more good than harm, but I'm not confident that the odds are in its favor.

Quite the complicated outlook.

[But not one he was about to refute; of all his patients, past and present, Kanaya had demonstrated some of the most self-insight. While she could be severely critical of herself (which Chilton was ever so quick to point out), she nevertheless had a firm footing in her identity. It was that reason, in fact, why Chilton chose to commit to actual therapy with him, instead of something more manipulative. Some minds were more resistant to his tactics than others.

It was worth at least a little respect.]

I cannot say my networking pool would make for any ideal toe-dipping into what you've described. [The women Chilton knew who weren't patients were morally ambiguous, and perhaps a few years outside Kanaya's ideal age range.] Though that probably would not be desirable. Regardless. I will have to content myself to simply wishing you well.

[ They probably would be. Four years ago, Kanaya was shocked to even be on the same planet as adults. Now, just being one now is enough of an idea to swallow, dating someone considerably older would just be right out. ]

I'm still not sure I'm ready for anything of the sort, just yet. [ It still feels...almost like it would be a betrayal, if red. Even if she's not with Rose, she doesn't really feel as though her heart is her own. It's not something she was entitled to take back when she left. ] Still, I appreciate your wishes. Perhaps they may bear fruit, one day.

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